THE OFFICIAL WEB SITE OF THE MADISON TIMES WEEKLY NEWSPAPER      

From June 18-24, 2004 Issue

Dear Barbara:

Please advise me about the following situation. My daughter and I were guests of a friend and her three nieces to do a “girlfriends” overnight at a hotel.  My daughter invites a friend.  The girls had their own room next door to ours.  There are four 13-year-olds and an 11-year-old. Before saying goodnight to all five in their room, I instructed them: “There will be no roaming the halls. You are to stay in the room.”  Two hours later, midnight, there’s a knock on the door.  We find out from the 11-year-old that her sister and friend are somewhere in the hotel playing strip poker with five 17-year-old boys!!! We are running from the pool to the lobby to everywhere!  We finally find them in a third floor stairwell and, yes, they were playing strip poker!  My questions are: Should I have called the parents of my daughter’s guest at 12:30 a.m., to come get her? What about future activities? Whatever advice would you have if my daughter would ask about inviting her to another similar event?

Thanks,

Friendly Neighbor

Dear FN,

As always, thank you for your questions. Relative to your first question about calling the young woman’s parents at 12:30 am., I would say that would depend on your confidence in handling the situation until morning when she would be delivered home and the parents informed. Nobody wants to be disturbed at that hour in the morning. It would be just as effective to have that young woman spend the remainder of the night in your room where she could be constantly monitored. It would be your responsibility to inform the parents, even if they remain steeped in denial.  Relative to question number 2: Every relationship is about “trust.”  That is what you tell the young woman. That is what you tell your daughter. You do not wait until another request is placed before you. This is a teachable moment. Grasp it with both hands.

Barbara