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From July 30 - August 5, 2004 Issue

Dear Barbara,

Last evening, I was watching a show on the television. They were talking about the “n” word. Bill Cosby had said that parents must take responsibility for their children and stop blaming White people for their misfortune. I tend to agree with him. What do you think?

Concerned Black Parent

Dear CBP,

Thank you for your question. You have brought up two very different issues here. One is the use of the “n” word. The other is about Black parents taking responsibility for their children’s academic and social development. I did see parts of the talk that Mr. Cosby gave, however, I caution that unless you see the entire presentation you may find yourself guilty of taking his words out of context. We (all of us) retain those parts of a message that are pertinent to us. We choose certain parts and discard other parts. The media is just as guilty as we are. They highlight certain parts of every message that endorses or challenges a certain perspective. What I am sharing is, you need to know the full message and the context within which it was spoken. Having said that, let me share my perspective on the “n” word.  The other part, I will speak on next time.

The “n” word is very much like the “b” word, the word “fag,” or the word “dyke,” in that they are all derogatory terms imposed by a dominant culture onto a less-dominant culture. It never works the other way. Any word or descriptor employed by a less-dominant culture to frame or describe a more-dominant culture never quite catches hold. It does not quite have the sting nor create the emotional indent that happens when it’s done from the other side.

For example, you may call someone “whitey” or “honky” and hope for a guttural reaction. But you need to have backing to do it. You need to have your boys around to do it. You need to say it loudly or boisterously with your chest up high for it to make any kind of an impact. With the “n” word, a person need only say it under their breath or mouth it for it to have a dramatic impact on the individual receiving it. This fact will not change once there continues to be a differential in power (economic, political, social, and academic) between the two groups. That separation is not unique to this culture. Every oppressed group has a word that has been imposed upon them by the oppressors that offers that “kicked-in-the-stomach” feeling. The power differential is what hammers the pain home.

What must be done then? One way is to “de-fang” the word — make the word lose or diminish its aggressive impact. In essence, take the power away or lessen the impact. How is that done? You make the word yours. You will hear a number of gays speak of themselves as fags. You hear a number of lesbians refer to themselves as dykes. Now, I am not saying that is fine. No! I am saying that in owning the word, it takes some of the sting, and therefore some of the tremendous power out of it.

They are dumb words. They are nasty words. But I must not continue to give you that power over me by endorsing the strength of that word. So, now, it’s become part of my vocabulary. It is used as a term of endearment. You’re my “n”. What’s up, “n”? It’s also used as a badge of power. I’m a “n”! If I don’t have social power, if I don’t have academic power, I still have “n” power. Do not mess with me. I have aggressive power. So the claiming, not reclaiming, of the word “n” demystifies and defangs it for a certain segment of our population.  

Now, as we move up in certain academic and social circles, we attempt to separate ourselves from certain negative portrayals of ourselves. Those terms become not just negative, but debased portrayals of who we are. And to see us define ourselves and embrace that very negative persona, angers some and sickens others. So, in a weird way, it is determined by what you endorse and ascribe to. If I endorse that social mobility in this culture is through education, going to college, getting a “jacket-and-tie” job, or living in the suburbs, I would more-than-likely try to separate myself from those historically negative images of who we are as a people — one of them being the “n” word. If I reject that externally constructed and manipulated definition of what it means to be successful and accepted in this culture, then I would more-than-likely accept the “n” word and wear it like a badge of honor. And believe me, CBP, it is not even as simple as that.

Thank you for your question. I will respond on part 2 in the next issue. Stay tuned and tuned-in.

Barbara